


Just a little less

by lrithyll



Series: Wylennessa One-Shots [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Self-Esteem, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24420097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lrithyll/pseuds/lrithyll
Summary: Life isn't perfect, and it isn't always good. Sometimes we can't handle it on our own, and need someone to guide us through it all.
Relationships: Wylenn/Vanessa
Series: Wylennessa One-Shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761964





	1. Pulchritudo

Vanessa stares at the wall. Her eyes are red and swollen, and her pillow is damp with tears. Her vision darkens as the voices in her head continue to bash and berate her.  
_Why do you stay with her?_  
_You know you only bring her shame._  
_It's a miracle she's still with you._  
_You should just die already_.

She knows this. She knew it since the day they started dating. They've been dating for a year, and even decided to live in the same apartment. She knows Wylenn loves her, loves her to the depths of her soul. Vanessa does too.

So why does it still hurt so much?

The door cracks open, and Vanessa doesn't even flinch, knowing it's Wylenn, but secretly hoping it was an intruder or serial killer coming to put her out of her misery.

"Hey," Wylenn whispers in her _oh so gentle_ voice, "You haven't come out since last night, everything alright?"

Vanessa smiles, faintly. She should've seen this coming. Wylenn could always read Vanessa like a book.

Wylenn walks around the bed to look at Vanessa, kneeling to look at Vanessa. Her face is gentle, not one of pity or disdain, but one of sorrow and sympathy.

"Should I come back later?" Wylenn asks.

There she goes again, Vanessa thinks. Wylenn always cared for people more than she did herself, which was cute and admirable, but incredibly overbearing. Vanessa always thought she was doing something wrong, being this happy and cared for.

"No, just..." Vanessa mutters, "I don't know. Just stay here."

"I can do that," Wylenn whispers, taking a seat on the bed.

Vanessa sits up, keeping her eyes down so as to not meet Wylenn's eyes. "I've...I've been having thoughts recently. About dating you. You remember that I said this before, when we'd been dating for a month?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Everyday... It feels as if those thoughts get worse and worse. I used to just ignore them, y'know? Everyone gets them, it's just normal. But, eventually, I got them so often that I started to believe it myself. I love you and everything but..."

Vanessa closes her eyes, silently weeping. Wylenn pulls her into a hug, rubbing her back tentatively.

"...I'm not exactly the strong person you imagine me to be."

Vanessa opens her eyes and gives Wylenn a questioning look, as if she was spouting heresy.

"When I was thirteen... I attempted suicide. Obviously, it wasn't successful. Now that I think about it, it was... really stupid," Wylenn had begun to tear up, "See, my... grandma passed away two days before then. She was the best person in the world to me, the light of my day, and when she died... it broke me. I thought, 'What's the point of living if all the people close to me are going to die eventually? Why should I suffer any longer in this kind of world?' I really couldn't stand the point of living."

Wiping away her tears, Wylenn continued. "But, eventually, I came to the point that life is life because there is death. And I..."  
Wylenn shook her head, "Sorry, I've been rambling, haven't I? Terrible help, aren't I? What I want to say is that I'm not the perfect person you think I am, and even I'm still trying to make sense of everything. Whenever you need my help, you just ring and I'll be there, mmkay?"

Vanessa buried her head deeper in Wylenn's chest. She had no words. Nothing but a slight nod and a mumbled "okay" to signify that she understood. Perhaps the thoughts would never stop, and Vanessa would always doubt their relationship. But as long as she had Wylenn to guide her through it, maybe she'd be alright.

Maybe.


	2. Vetus Amicus

She was the only friend I had. 

Well, only friend I could really call a friend. Sure, I had a group of friends, but it was just because we'd all be friends since elementary. She was the only one I could depend on.

Of course, that couldn't last forever. She was more social than I was, so she found other friends she could hang out with.

I didn't. I couldn't make new friends as easily as she could. My number of friends had never risen; if anything it only decreased. It got me thinking: Where does this put me? She's gonna go make new friends, hang out with new people, and eventually I'm going to be alone.

She always made me think that wasn't the case, though. She tried to introduce me to new friends, new people, in hopes that I would get new friends. It never worked. The people she introduced me to didn't have a single common interest with me. I was a complete stranger.

After so many attempts of her trying to help me make friends, I was led to the conclusion that, _yknow_ , maybe I'm just not meant to have friends. Maybe I'm just meant to be alone. There's nine billion people on Earth, and there's bound to be someone who's going to be alone for life, right? Maybe that's me. I'd be lying if I said that didn't suck, but it's not like I purposely sought out friends. Hell, most of the time people had to ask me to hang out because I never would.

That's probably why I couldn't make friends. I could never take the initiative. Always needed someone to start it for me. It's pathetic really, but it's who I am. Might as well live up to it.

Sometimes I regret that day. Sometimes I wish I could take it all back. But there's no stopping the hand of time. I can never take back the words I said that day. I can never undo my actions.

_"I hate you, Wylenn."_

* * *

  
Wylenn woke up in a cold sweat, jolting up and frantically looking at her surroundings. Her eyes adjusted to the pitch black of the room. She was in Vanessa's bed. This was confirmed when she saw Vanessa sleeping next to her, somehow unfazed by Wylenn's sudden waking.

Wylenn put her head in her hands. A nightmare. No, a memory. A terrible one, at that. That happened several years ago, she should be over it by now. It was one person, _one_ person.

Her first crush. She never got to confess. She was unfriended before she could even confess. It caused her grief for months, and even after that she still couldn't love anyone.

Wylenn picks up her head to look down at Vanessa. There was drool coming out of the corner of her mouth, and her hair stuck to her forehead. Wylenn smiled faintly, taking deep breaths to relax herself. When she collected herself, she laid back down, taking Vanessa into her arms.

What's in the past is in the past. The only thing she can change is the future, and continue to live in the present.


End file.
